Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so let's talk penis.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My bed smells like the plague
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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