wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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