I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I didn't shave. On purpose
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
