Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
