You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
