Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
