dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
