No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize