I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
