she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize