I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
