How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
