I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
