ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
