hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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