Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
