Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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