she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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