Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
