Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
