I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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