**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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