If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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