I just cut my nipple shaving
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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