Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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