is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is it penis luge time yet?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
