That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
