toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
