Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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