11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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