I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
