I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
