This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
