ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
