If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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