i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
