So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Randomize
