don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
