I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
