i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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