I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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