I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
