I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
