He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she pinky promised me she was 18
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize