At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
