I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
