The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
