If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
