You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
