I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Green mimosas i think yes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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