next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
