Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
