She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
