When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
