Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
