I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
