my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
