dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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