How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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