this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
