that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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