I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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