My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
